Just an ordinary day

I've finished watching lots of movies and series today. Then.. suddenly something occur to me. I still think of you and it's depressing.

Overated Day

I'm bitter. And that's all I can say. And you will probably agree.

Standing up again...

For the first time, after a while, someone noticed me and lifted my spirit for a moment and it really made me smile. I think I should go back to the old me where I always smile on little things. Now that I remember, it made feel light and happy. I forgot how I smile on every struggle I encounter, laugh it out till I forget it and I think I should do it more often cause I think that it will bring good fortune to me.

I realized that the things that I've gone through this past year put a serious look on my face. And I forgot to take it off. I forgot how people tells me that whenever they look at me they see smiling face.

I'll be happy, if not for her. then... just for myself.

Uneasy

I don't feel excited. I feel sad.. I don't know if I have to be there. I'm always with her wherever I go and somehow this feels ain't right. I really want her to be with me because it feels empty. I wish you can be with me.

Hopes die last

I don't know what to say... I'll keep on going while the flame is burning.. and the thing is... the flame is every where. I'm in chaos..

Behind the scenes...

I wonder where you're getting your steps... it's really effective and kills me on the spot. But I will recuperate and crawl, kneel and stand up again and again to slowly walk back to your side.. your my home..

Solace

Who would have thought that I'm back here again... after all, this is where I can put all what I had in mind. Whenever I breath heavily due to the pain that i'm feeling, the burden of preventing myself from doing anything stupid again.. The pain of not reaching out when my body trying involuntarily to reach you... It feels that, I've just lost my purpose to continue. My purpose to strive, to be something else. I've lost the meaning of being happy...

All Pain...

I don't know where I'm going...
Everyday, this is what I feel...
All lies..
I maybe stupid at one point..
but not all the time...
I've done this...
I went through those things...
and hiding it would not help me...
I maybe weak at this point...
It may hurt... but...
All I hope for now...
Is that everything is going on the right path...
That decision made...
is not the worst...

Helpless

Closing his eyes feeling the wind that flow in his head, descending fast while thinking...
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for the first time in his life, he felt so free. A free man who doesn't care about anything...
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This is a decision of his life and there is no turning back.
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All the things that happened, the mistakes he did... he can never bring it back
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and he was not given a chance to make everything right...
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Carrying the agony in his heart, with no regrets. Looking at things and can't do anything
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Thinking what he did 19 seconds ago. Standing in the edge of the rooftop of the tallest building...
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He failed to save the destiny that he should have..
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Stretching his hands and he embrace his faith.. remembering all the good things that she brought in his life...
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He open his eyes looking straight down feeling the wind as the end comes near..
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too late to turn it back.. all he could do is..
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I love you...
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...
..
.

Truth and the act

Dragging ones name... this is the word I can't forget. It's been a while I have not spoken one name and yet being accused of dragging it. For quite a while I have not mentioned anything about the past and yet I was accused of it. I want to have a quiet life as much as they do. Though sadness strikes me once in a while and I say it in all honesty to the only one person involve. I only want everything back to normal.

All I need is a word. To keep me forward or to pull me back to where I belong. That's what drives me. Every action made have a consequence. And today, I was pushed quite too far and I don't know if I can still go back. Deep in me, I know I still can. All it takes is the word to pull me up and everything will be dropped and mask will be removed. If this wind still needs me, the fire will keep on burning.

Split second vision

I've never been so sure. I know what I want and yet...I'm confused if all of this are meant to happen. After picking up pieces of myself, I'm so sure that I can do it. I can see myself standing and looking at two path dark and blurry and the other is clear as daylight. I walked the clear path but now it keeps on pushing me on the blurry one. I don't have the strength to push myself anymore but in my mind I know I want to keep on walking with the daylight. I will continue this, forever hunted by the vision that I have created years ago and the time I spent up to now to chase this dream.

Guiding light... please show my path, to be on the right journey. I know I've been the trouble and I need to be with my strife. It will never feel the same because it doesn't fits right. Please listen to me... Absorb me to enlighten my mind.

Shattered glass

I tried to pick it up but I was wounded. Though I know what I want, I can't do it. I never thought that this could happen. Betrayed by circumstance. Day by day the wound hurts and gets worst... made me think that this is so much more than the noise I hear about all things. I want this glass to be whole again which I know will never happen. But if I will be given a chance.. I will not think twice for this glass to be the same again when I first had it.

Full Stuff on weekend

Another weekend. Took a shot of our food for lunch. Diablo Burger lol The place - Sizzling Pepper Steak - Mooooove!

Bangs!


Hmm...

Guessing time

I rendered 4 hours at work and went home early today because I need to meet one of our BOD. I received an email earlier that she want to see me and talk to me. I wonder why.

While at work, one of my colleague asked me if she can speak with me because her problem is too much to bear anymore. Well as her big brother, I said yes and I want to help the way I can. She opened up her problem regarding what happened on the deliberation day and that she can't work with someone who take her for granted and doesn't even care bout what she do and because of that, she wanted to resign immediately. I can't blame her, but falling in-love to someone not really worth it is something that you can blame on her. I just made her realize that deciding when you are affected by hate, anger will just cloud your thinking and told her to give it a week or two. At least if she decide when her mind is clear will not make her blame herself if she thinks she made a wrong decision.

Before going home. I called my Carla and told her that I will see her. We met at her building, we went to 7/11, bought food, sat at the table and spent time together and discussed anything we can think of.

First Ever

Last Night, I claimed my price for collecting starbucks sticker. Me and my Carla arrived at emerald avenue around 10 pm. I told my Carla that I will drop by at starbucks to buy coffee. I checked my pamplet to collect stickers for their notebook and found out that last night was the last day for collecting stickers. The date was January 6, 2010. I still need 2 stickers for the christmas flavor, I ordered toffee nut but sadly its out of stock so I switched to peppermint. Now I have my first ever starbucks organizer! I'm not really into this, but trying something new is refreshing. Today, I bought my Girbaud bag before going home. It's a simple bag that will suit my style. It's been a while since I carry my own bag except my Carla's bag lol. I did not noticed it but I'm now addicted to formal wear like coat and well tie?... No ties for me. I'm more into modern formal style. My Carla noticed it and she sometimes reminds me not to wear coat if we were just going to some occasions, but I said "my coat is not that formal" She said it's okay if we were just going to the mall or watch movie lol

Overload

Over whelming feeling

*The scene*
While he's in the Operations Meeting. The Chairman of the board saw him. He points at him and said.
Chairman: Come here for a minute.
The chairman went outside the office and He followed up to the elevator door until the chairman halted and whispered to him.
Chairman: How much do we pay you?
Guy: I don't know exactly but I think its *@$~@!.
Chairman: Okay. Tell **** to raise your salary by *@$~!
Guy: Oh!. Thank you.
Then he went back to the office with a happy face, overwhelmed and can't believe what just happened. For him it's like a dream personally raised by the owner.

This words suddenly pop up in his mind "If you wait, endure and your quiet while you do your best. You will get what you deserve"

He believes in the Chairman. "Tough times don't last but tough people do"

Lamb - Do you believe in lamination?

I was looking for a good Wallpaper for my PS3 system. I was browsing the PSN for good High def wallpaper cause I got tired of Fallout 3 theme. I came across 1 red Wallpaper titled Lamb. It was the newest Anime for animax and one of the first High Def Anime for TV.

I don't know if I was the only one who don't know about this (I'm too busy with my life working and my gf ^_^). Yesterday, I change my laptop theme to everything red, downloaded the Red Theme for mozilla and Red theme for vista and it looks cool! I tried to find the best wallpaper that will suit the red theme and I remember that the Lamb Wallpaper on my ps3 has red background and the Protagonist girl wear a Red Suit. I thought that it fits perfectly and I tried to browse and look for HD wallpaper for laptop but what I found out is that Lamb is actually base on the story created by Filipino named Carmelo Juinio! I was like oh! I never thought!

The anime is set on a harsh desert planet where everything is recycled even human criminal, they get laminated and turned into a cyborg like human. Once laminated they can be use as slave who obeys everything(those who disobey gets electrocuted) and they can also live for hundred years until released. No torrent yet to be found.. I hope some one seed it lol hehe.

After all bitter taste

I was thinking... after all the things that I've went through, I realized that I'm still lucky and blessed. I can even put them in chapters but no. :P.

I am still struggling to have a perfect life, but I know that I'm not even close to it but having the best person at your side was the best thing I have and that will keep me going and it made me feel that I'm ready for everything. I just can't wipe that silly smile I have right now. I'm just being happy.

Reality Fantasy

I bought PlayStation 3 last December with my loving girlfriend and played several games like Silent Hill Homecoming, Ninja Gaiden Sigma, Fallout 3 and Metal Gear Solid 4 the best game I played ever on any console game, full of emotion if your an MGS fan since PS1. Gaming is in my blood and I think It cannot be removed in my system anymore. I remember the time when me and my friends wonder why the graphics while playing and cut scenes has different graphics quality and I remember how we wish that gameplay and cut scenes has the same graphics. I can also remember people saying that gaming is a childs play and gaming is for kids, but now gaming has changed (MGS4 Line lol). I was even obliged to buy an HD TV just to get the best of it. Ever since I bought the unit, I was constantly amazed with its capabilities like power, gameplay and new games that will be here soon like KillZone 2, God of War 3, White Knight Chronicles and the most awaited 3 part RPG Final Fantasy 13, Final Fantasy 13 Versus and Final Fantasy 13 Agito. The plot of the game exist on the same universe with different story, characters and I think location too and they do not affect each other. I'm not a PS fan guy but this is just amazing, just look at the graphics and gameplay. It looks like your watching FF7 Advent Children but your controlling the characters and outcome of the battle. Check the clip below for the FF gameplay and MGS 4 Act 1 intro.

Resu Scroll

I started playing World of Warcraft again and this time I was more into it than before. I even bought another account to roll another toon. I rushed to Data Blitz, Bought my battle Chest pack for more than $50 and after a week reached level 55 that will allow me to roll a Death Knight which need another expansion that took another $50 out of my wallet which is 100% more expensive than online purchase, Actually $25 cause my loving Girlfriend paid the other half as a Christmas present to me lol.

What triggers it? well my good Manager involved me to their new business that he proposed to the shareholders of our company. We Spearhead the development of the website and how it will run. The problem is he left us already and I was left alone in developing the business and thinking ways how to generate traffic on our website and not only that... my promotion was retracted because of documentation problem.... oh well.

Im not in the mood discussing problems cause I had enough and I don't want to think about it for the meantime. All I know is I wanted peace so bad.

Bonechewer is my home server for now. Main toon is Death Knight... Im bashing all mobs in Northrend for all my problems. My toon name? Itos.. hehe thats my gf fave name.