Standing up again...

For the first time after a while, someone noticed me and lifted my spirit for a moment and it really made me smile and I think I should go back to the old me where I always smile.I forgot how to smile and to really be happy. I forgot how I always smile on every struggle I encounter.. it always cures me and makes me happy. I should do this more often. I know this will bring good fortune to me...

I realized that the things that I've gone through this past year put a serious look on my face that I wear almost most of the time. I forgot how people tells me whenever they look at me they see smiling face.

I'll be happy.. if not for her... then for myself..

Uneasy

I don't feel excited. I feel sad.. I don't know if I have to go and continue going to the place. I'm always with her whenever I go to places and If feels not right... I really want her to be with me. It feels empty.. I wish you can be with me..

Hopes die last

I don't know what to say... I'll keep on going while the flame is burning.. and the thing is... the flame is every where. I'm in chaos..

Behind the scenes...

I wonder where you're getting your steps... it's really effective and kills me on the spot. But I will recuperate and crawl, kneel and stand up again and again to slowly walk back to your side.. your my home..

Solace

Who would have thought that I'm back here again... after all, this is where I can put all what I had in mind. Whenever I breath heavily due to the pain that i'm feeling, the burden of preventing myself from doing anything stupid again.. The pain of not reaching out when my body trying involuntarily to reach you... It feels that, I've just lost my purpose to continue. My purpose to strive, to be something else. I've lost the meaning of being happy...

All Pain...

I don't know where I'm going...
Everyday, this is what I feel...
All lies..
I maybe stupid at one point..
but not all the time...
I've done this...
I went through those things...
and hiding it would not help me...
I maybe weak at this point...
It may hurt... but...
All I hope for now...
Is that everything is going on the right path...
That decision made...
is not the worst...

Helpless

Closing his eyes feeling the wind that flow in his head, descending fast while thinking...
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for the first time in his life, he felt so free. A free man who doesn't care about anything...
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This is a decision of his life and there is no turning back.
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All the things that happened, the mistakes he did... he can never bring it back
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and he was not given a chance to make everything right...
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Carrying the agony in his heart, with no regrets. Looking at things and can't do anything
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Thinking what he did 19 seconds ago. Standing in the edge of the rooftop of the tallest building...
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He failed to save the destiny that he should have..
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Stretching his hands and he embrace his faith.. remembering all the good things that she brought in his life...
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He open his eyes looking straight down feeling the wind as the end comes near..
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too late to turn it back.. all he could do is..
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I love you...
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...
..
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