Day 2

The hurting digs deeper as the hour pass by. I was so worried... when she said the word "Utoin along the way" it hurt me because I know that my word is not important anymore and all I can say is "Pasakayin lang kita". I was so worried and I wanted to ride another FX to follow her but no fx came after that. I went home thinking for hours and fell asleep round 3 am and suddenly woke up 4 am because of sudden feeling that something happened which I don't know. I can't go back to sleep cause I can't sleep anymore.

I kept on staring at the gate. The Dogs are barking every time someone pass by and every time that happen I feel excited and suddenly realized that she will never come back. Stared at my laptop and let it just flow again. I can only talk to my laptop and kept on saying to myself that I can bear this. I know that what I'm hoping for only happen in dreams.

Every minute that pass is a torture to me.. Cried every hour that I remember what just happened. What struck me more and I can't help but cry was when my Mom cried cause of what happened. I can't help myself but just hide and let everything out in my system. I was able to take my rest at 6 pm and woke up 8:30 PM cause I need to work. Mom told me that she was trying to contact her but there was no answer. I'm dead worried again but I don't have any cellphone that I can use to contact her because my phone was missing.

Came to work like a possessed doll. Good thing that my back is on them and I'm just facing the wall and my laptop. No one really knows if I'm working or just wetting my table.

Everything seems so blurry right now. The only thing that is clear is that I want to make things right cause she's everything that I dreamed of.

There are lot of things that bothers me. What if there are things that will happen which I cannot change anymore.. what if's and what if's and there are times that I wish I can just disappear because I can't bear the pain that I'm feeling right now...