I don't know... could be another taste of failure... this is starting to get rough again... All I want her to do is have her limit. I am not trying to control her life.. pero its not right.. siguro for her its right... I want to be like that.. so I could careless... So I can go out all night til sawa even the sun rises while drinking with my so called friends... I am so mad about this situation. This is something that can't be fix right away...
I'm not in the mood for this right now... wala lang talaga magawa.. well, rest na lang ako siguro and hope this feeling of hate, frustration, mixed negative feeling just go away.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Sunday, June 08, 2008
Confusion
I received a call from my colleague, He informed me that I will be transferred to the escalation team and I will start this sunday which supposedly I will report to work at 12 noon. My supervisor got confused because he don't know that I belong to a different department now. He called me thinking that I go AWOL, I informed him that I got transferred to a different department now. Now I am confuse.. I was thinking of trying to get the aTL or TL position. I don't know if I will settle to this level of promotion or aim higher.. I need enlightenment.
And then this again.. I know that she can handle it but I just can't let it pass.. I don't know why.. It just get to my nerve whenever someone court her or get her attention knowing she already have someone. Maybe it was my pride, but I think its normal to get irritated whenever someone tries to get your partner's attention or try to "magpaka bibo" to her. I don't know if she understand me. And another thing.. problem with our schedule. Whenever she wants to talk to me she's tired because its time for her to sleep while Im wide awake and preparing for work. Our time is totally opposite. I can live with it and I can bear with it.. I hope she can as well.
I'm starting to think that she's thinking we are not doin good. I hope not... because this girl really has my heart.
And then this again.. I know that she can handle it but I just can't let it pass.. I don't know why.. It just get to my nerve whenever someone court her or get her attention knowing she already have someone. Maybe it was my pride, but I think its normal to get irritated whenever someone tries to get your partner's attention or try to "magpaka bibo" to her. I don't know if she understand me. And another thing.. problem with our schedule. Whenever she wants to talk to me she's tired because its time for her to sleep while Im wide awake and preparing for work. Our time is totally opposite. I can live with it and I can bear with it.. I hope she can as well.
I'm starting to think that she's thinking we are not doin good. I hope not... because this girl really has my heart.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Wiping the dust
Whoa! its been awhile again. If you will take note of the date when I last posted on this blog.. its way way way long ago lol. I still remember the password to this account and that amazed myself. and everytime I wrote something, it can't find its way to this blog. Tons of reason why and one of the reason is that I don't have time to open this blog but I know in my heart that I want to write something about myself. Well last time I tried to write something it just ended up on one of my files... let me try and find that file and post it on this blog... hmm.. clung... cling....#$*@#!.... well here it is.. I wrote this way back march 2008.. Anyway this is what I wrote and this is way way long and I don't care what you say about this, this is definitely just for myself and for someone who just want to read something non-sense.
March
Woke up 6 am and I feel so tired. I don’t feel good. I watched the whole season 2 of Heroes and got disappointed. I watched the season premiere of smallville season 7 but I got bored. I called for pizza delivery, ate 1 slice and lost my appetite. And this day I just got my most hated movie, Slipstream. I don’t know, maybe I’m just so aggravated by the movie I watched before that. But that movie makes me feel so depressed and so bored that I want to smash the television, I don’t feel comfortable watching it. That movie just made me hate Anthony Hopkins. Are they trying to make another pulp fiction movie?
Well so much for watching movie. Got my program running and passed it to my supervisor. I think they liked it but we can’t use it because of change in process so we will wait till the VCI process gets replaced by the new process. That is if I’m still at that company.
I feel like I’m not having fun at all. I am fully aware that work is not for fun but I like to have fun while working. I used to love this job but now integrity crisis rises and that affects me so much. First time I heard about the change in process, it made me feel so bad that I want to quit that day but I didn’t.
The good thing is my colleagues are with me. They feel the same way. My supervisor feels the same way and that’s another good thing. He is planning to jump off the boat and well... I think I will follow. Just like what we have talked about on our meeting. They don’t deserve our efforts and I don’t think that I have a future at that company either. So much for heroic effort so much for the cells I’ve lost every time I skip break. The only thing that will get promotion is my gastric level and this might lead to ulcer soon. Got money to spend but don’t have time to spend it at work hours. The only good thing left is the high pay and the colleagues besides me at the office. I can’t deny that the company helped me in a lot of ways. It changed me to who I am now and learned lot of things from it. I got my confidence back and I got self respect. I feel like that I can do something now. But still the people are good but the company is bad.
Well so much for the company now. I browsed the internet last night at work and I happened to visit a site I usually visit every once in a while before. I saw something and realized why the hell I’m wasting my time before and I realized how I change from a stupid all heart controlled body to what I am now. I saw things that could make my heart ache before, I did not feel any pain but instead… well, again I realized I really changed a lot.
Things in my life changed a lot as well. My sister just got married last February 14, 2008. She is happy now and she is not living with us anymore. Well I think she is in good hands now, her husband is a good person. He has good parents. And I feel confident that my sister will be happy. I remembered, every time I woke up before, I could see her. I could ask her how I look. I could ask her if my clothes match. I could ask her if my shoes are ok. I could ask her to cut my hair and she will cut it shorter than I asked. And I don’t have anyone to brag and argue with. And I miss her a lot.
My father left the country last march 10, 2008 to migrate to US. One week before he left I planned to do something to make him happy but it did not work well. I’m not good at expressing my emotion to my parents but I do really love them so much. There is no single day that I haven’t thought of how to make them feel good but I don’t know why I can’t. The day he left I wanted to say I love you but all I did was to say take care and have a good trip and I said I will follow soon, but I asked to myself when will that happen? When the car left I can’t help but just cry silently. The only witness is my girlfriend and the dogs. The tears can’t just stop that day. But still I went on with my life.
Let us go back to present day enough of time travelling. I think everybody close to me knows that I already have a girlfriend and we are good and happy. But first time in our entire relationship, I got mad and I got irritated by what she said today. She texted me and she said that she will meet someone with her friends. We just talked about things that I don’t want and she’s old enough and she knows what is right and wrong in a relationship. We’ll I bet she is well aware of that. Sometimes I get a hunch of the situation. I know that it is just a hunch and it is not a fact but still it makes me feel bad. Well, it’s all up to her, I trust her but the person she will meet… I don’t. One thing I hate and liked about her is that she is so kind. So kind that sometimes it seems like imperceptive. Or maybe she is just pretending to be blind and deaf. I hate it. Now I’m just trying to end this day and trying to finish this 7 slices of pizza left and this could be my dinner, or maybe not.
Well thats all ... I can't remember what I felt that time.. I just posted it for future referrence lol.
March
Woke up 6 am and I feel so tired. I don’t feel good. I watched the whole season 2 of Heroes and got disappointed. I watched the season premiere of smallville season 7 but I got bored. I called for pizza delivery, ate 1 slice and lost my appetite. And this day I just got my most hated movie, Slipstream. I don’t know, maybe I’m just so aggravated by the movie I watched before that. But that movie makes me feel so depressed and so bored that I want to smash the television, I don’t feel comfortable watching it. That movie just made me hate Anthony Hopkins. Are they trying to make another pulp fiction movie?
Well so much for watching movie. Got my program running and passed it to my supervisor. I think they liked it but we can’t use it because of change in process so we will wait till the VCI process gets replaced by the new process. That is if I’m still at that company.
I feel like I’m not having fun at all. I am fully aware that work is not for fun but I like to have fun while working. I used to love this job but now integrity crisis rises and that affects me so much. First time I heard about the change in process, it made me feel so bad that I want to quit that day but I didn’t.
The good thing is my colleagues are with me. They feel the same way. My supervisor feels the same way and that’s another good thing. He is planning to jump off the boat and well... I think I will follow. Just like what we have talked about on our meeting. They don’t deserve our efforts and I don’t think that I have a future at that company either. So much for heroic effort so much for the cells I’ve lost every time I skip break. The only thing that will get promotion is my gastric level and this might lead to ulcer soon. Got money to spend but don’t have time to spend it at work hours. The only good thing left is the high pay and the colleagues besides me at the office. I can’t deny that the company helped me in a lot of ways. It changed me to who I am now and learned lot of things from it. I got my confidence back and I got self respect. I feel like that I can do something now. But still the people are good but the company is bad.
Well so much for the company now. I browsed the internet last night at work and I happened to visit a site I usually visit every once in a while before. I saw something and realized why the hell I’m wasting my time before and I realized how I change from a stupid all heart controlled body to what I am now. I saw things that could make my heart ache before, I did not feel any pain but instead… well, again I realized I really changed a lot.
Things in my life changed a lot as well. My sister just got married last February 14, 2008. She is happy now and she is not living with us anymore. Well I think she is in good hands now, her husband is a good person. He has good parents. And I feel confident that my sister will be happy. I remembered, every time I woke up before, I could see her. I could ask her how I look. I could ask her if my clothes match. I could ask her if my shoes are ok. I could ask her to cut my hair and she will cut it shorter than I asked. And I don’t have anyone to brag and argue with. And I miss her a lot.
My father left the country last march 10, 2008 to migrate to US. One week before he left I planned to do something to make him happy but it did not work well. I’m not good at expressing my emotion to my parents but I do really love them so much. There is no single day that I haven’t thought of how to make them feel good but I don’t know why I can’t. The day he left I wanted to say I love you but all I did was to say take care and have a good trip and I said I will follow soon, but I asked to myself when will that happen? When the car left I can’t help but just cry silently. The only witness is my girlfriend and the dogs. The tears can’t just stop that day. But still I went on with my life.
Let us go back to present day enough of time travelling. I think everybody close to me knows that I already have a girlfriend and we are good and happy. But first time in our entire relationship, I got mad and I got irritated by what she said today. She texted me and she said that she will meet someone with her friends. We just talked about things that I don’t want and she’s old enough and she knows what is right and wrong in a relationship. We’ll I bet she is well aware of that. Sometimes I get a hunch of the situation. I know that it is just a hunch and it is not a fact but still it makes me feel bad. Well, it’s all up to her, I trust her but the person she will meet… I don’t. One thing I hate and liked about her is that she is so kind. So kind that sometimes it seems like imperceptive. Or maybe she is just pretending to be blind and deaf. I hate it. Now I’m just trying to end this day and trying to finish this 7 slices of pizza left and this could be my dinner, or maybe not.
Well thats all ... I can't remember what I felt that time.. I just posted it for future referrence lol.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)