Standing up again...

For the first time, after a while, someone noticed me and lifted my spirit for a moment and it really made me smile. I think I should go back to the old me where I always smile on little things. Now that I remember, it made feel light and happy. I forgot how I smile on every struggle I encounter, laugh it out till I forget it and I think I should do it more often cause I think that it will bring good fortune to me.

I realized that the things that I've gone through this past year put a serious look on my face. And I forgot to take it off. I forgot how people tells me that whenever they look at me they see smiling face.

I'll be happy, if not for her. then... just for myself.

Uneasy

I don't feel excited. I feel sad.. I don't know if I have to be there. I'm always with her wherever I go and somehow this feels ain't right. I really want her to be with me because it feels empty. I wish you can be with me.

Hopes die last

I don't know what to say... I'll keep on going while the flame is burning.. and the thing is... the flame is every where. I'm in chaos..

Behind the scenes...

I wonder where you're getting your steps... it's really effective and kills me on the spot. But I will recuperate and crawl, kneel and stand up again and again to slowly walk back to your side.. your my home..

Solace

Who would have thought that I'm back here again... after all, this is where I can put all what I had in mind. Whenever I breath heavily due to the pain that i'm feeling, the burden of preventing myself from doing anything stupid again.. The pain of not reaching out when my body trying involuntarily to reach you... It feels that, I've just lost my purpose to continue. My purpose to strive, to be something else. I've lost the meaning of being happy...